Patty Flinger

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Patty Flinger is a game I wrote because I was commissioned to do it. As I often say, I'm not ashamed that I can be bribed to do things, what shames me is that I can be bribed so cheaply!

Anyway, the idea is you have a grid, that you can choose the size in both directions from 3 to 20 squares. The larger the grid, the more points you get. The idea is, you're flinging pork products at a guy wearing a star of David, and trying to hit him. (Nothing anti-Semitic there, it was just to give a reason for why you're throwing pork products at the guy.) You get to choose from sausage, bacon, ham, and pork chops, each having a different point value.

You get points for each item that hits him, and lose points for each miss. If the grid is larger than 3 in both directions, you get "splash damage," or partial point credit of 1/2 of the normal value of an actual strike if you're within one square of the target. The target moves randomly on each turn.

Someone wanted to prove you could do a turn-based game using the Hugo programming language, so they offered me (a small amount of) money to do just that.

Oh, also, it adds another feature. After a number of turns your bladder gets full and you have to stop to use the restroom. Wait and it gets worse. Wait long enough, you wet your pants, this causes the wires along the floor to short circuit and you die.

You win the game if you reach 500 points. You lose if your score reaches -500 points. The number of points each throw is worth goes up if you get above a certain amount.

The game also provides information about pork products including cribs from Wikipedia, my own writing, and relevant quotes. ("Bacon tastes good, pork chops taste goooood." - Vincent Vega, Pulp Fiction) If your score goes high enough, it also adds another pork product as ammunition to choose from.

Article by Paul Robinson.


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