Speed-IF Jacket

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Speed-IF Jacket
Part of series Speed-IF
Website [http:// ]
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The thirty-seventh Speed-IF began on April 21, 2002 and was organized by Sam Kabo Ashwell. The "jacket" concept proved popular enough it was repeated later with Speed-IF Jacket 2.


Sometime (probably Saturday night) I'm going to try a speedIF with the following premise: Every participant writes a number of short jacket quotes- a phrase of book-jacket type adulation, something out-of-context from a hugely in-depth literary analysis, some excuse for an opinion that the latest r*if moron spewed out, or something along those lines. Every participant should prepare a number of quotes equal to the number of other participants, assign each participant a quote (preferably randomly), and then at the opening of the allocated time whisper the quote to the appropriate participant. The games are then written to fit the quotes; ideally, each game should contain the quotes in the intro screen as well. I've posted early partly to rouse up more interest, and also to allow people a bit of time to work out quotes... sign object in the lounge.



John Cater

  • "Oh, come on. This kind of exaggerated amorality impresses nobody." -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "The overuse of deeply nested quotations and parenthetical phrases made my eyes water and my head spin. Hopefully next time, [the author] will show some restraint in [his/her] baroque sentence formations. -Caleb Wilson."
  • "The brutally blunt writing fearlessly illuminates the sociopolitical climate in which questions of race/class/sexuality/culture (pick 1) are addressed. Unlike any other entity in our information saturated world, it provides a consistent and excoriating social commentary." -Duchess
  • "I feel like I've waded through sewage--and that's NOT an allegory. This game had some of the most accurately-rendered sewage-swimming scenes I've ever seen." -Jason Love
  • "After this game [...] I felt like I couldn't walk for several minutes." -Duncan Cross
  • "I really loved the anthropomorphised bees!" -Atholbrose

Caleb Wilson

  • "Spectacular! ...if in a poorly-coded sort of way. And a definite overuse of the verb >RAVISH." -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "Bouts of cunning wordplay are frequent." -Atholbrose
  • "The best part about this game is the way the humourous personality of the ursine protagonist totally masks the fact that he cold-bloodedly kills everyong he meets." -John Cater
  • "I didn't see how personal these games were, or to say it another way, how much they have the flavor of particular human life, because I had been told, and wanted to believe games were subjective. The game pays particular attention to the year, the location of the action, and the message being presented so that the particular human consciousness driving the narrative comes through clearly." -Duchess
  • "I think this game proves that more games need to implement your head as an openable inventory object. I especially liked the treatment of the THINK command." -Jason Love
  • "I felt this game portrayed the PEZ Candy organisation in an inappropriate light, and only hope that proper legal proceedings will be taken." -Duncan Cross
  • "A breakthrough portrait of adolescent culture, it provides insight and greater understanding of a generation standing on the brink of adulthood." -Duchess

Duncan Cross

  • "Features Gene Hackman, which is always a plus." -Atholbrose
  • "This game seemed to play no perceptible relation to the fatuous "quotes" upon which is was supposedly based..." -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "Heartwarming. The 'crying forest' location made me weep sweet tears for our vegetable kin." -- 'Greenheart' Wilson, natureperson.
  • "I laughed. I cried. And then I remembered little Anne-Marie, the wheelchair-bound ex-circus clown, and I smiled a little smile. And went looking for my rubber nose." -John Cater
  • "An enormously intellectual challenging game, the impossible blends with the improbable, creating a distorted view of reality. After a while one gets the sensation that the reality presented by this game is "normal" and what we viewed as reality is really out of touch." -Duchess
  • "The festival scene was great. I just loved wandering around the fairgrounds, and finally seeing the antagonist get what he deserved was the best part!" -Jason Love

R. N. Dominick

  • "...As delicate as a newborn chihuahua, yet as flavourful as a spit-roasted dromedary..." -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "The sudden, massive leaps throughout time and space were simultaneously confusing, breathtaking, and invigorating." -C. C. Wilson.
  • "I didn't play through the whole thing, so I still don't know why it seemed all the countries involved began with 'P'." -Duncan Cross
  • "Soup cans. Soup cans? Soup cans! Here is a game they could have helped." -John Cater
  • "This subject matter is complicated, long and complex. Here is a refreshingly honest attempt to reduce it to the fundamentals without oversimplifying." -Duchess
  • "I'll admit to being mystified by the repeated references to Nordic mythology, but everything else was great. Between the sequence in the amphitheater, the mysterious scarecrow, and Rorik's vengeful muttering, I felt like I was in a truly epic struggle. I think this game will turn out to be a classic." -Jason Love

Jason Love

  • "No-one will want to miss the exciting roller derby scene!" -Atholbrose
  • "The horniest work since _Kallisti 2: Goin' Kallistic_! Rush to play it!" -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "If you play one game this year, it should be Savoir Faire. If you play two, it should still not be this game. Rather, it should be number fifty-three." -John Cater
  • "[The author] artfully captures the quaint, watercolored grostesquerie of an old fairy tale." -C. Wilson, librarian.
  • "The main protagonist is an intellectual with a tormented and tattered soul. By both describing and explaining the circumstances surrounding him, this game makes the player sympathetic to him." -Duchess
  • "The 'acid-spitting' gimmick [...] seemed entirely gratuitous and unjustified." -Duncan Cross

Adam Biltcliffe (didn't play)

  • "Hey, I'm happy with any game that periodically insults me for no obvious reason." -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "The only thing that could possibly improve this game would be *even more* ricecakes. -Caleb Wilson."
  • "I still want to know what happened to the rabbit." -Duncan Cross
  • "The most stunning game I have ever played. Sadly, I have no idea what the hell happened." -John Cater
  • "The most fascinating and learned study of the biggest wild goose chase in history." -Duchess
  • "So what if it had a maze? Not every game is perfect. At least it was an easy one." -Jason Love
  • "The combat system, while rarely used, is quite definitely unbalanced in favor of the player." -Atholbrose


  • "One day, some game somewhere will prove to be a scholarly, exciting and faithful interpretation of an existing classic novel. Sadly, this game is anything but." -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "An excellent work... The three-chapter structure works well." -Duncan Cross
  • "Was this thing ever beta-tested? I mean, the sun is takeable. The SUN!" -Caleb W.
  • "If I was allowed to title this game, it would be "Comp00ter Game II: Infix's Revenge". -John Cater
  • "Okay, the 'infernal menace' part was kind of clever--I just wish it hadn't eaten all my cupcakes!" -Jason Love
  • "Perhaps the best cyberpunk western in any medium!" -Atholbrose

Roger Carbol (didn't play)

  • "The unfortunate color scheme is perhaps the ugliest since Windows 3.1's "Hot Dog Stand". " -Atholbrose
  • "...A cutting insight into the gender-dynamic of the frame-period..." -Sam Kabo Ashwell
  • "An exciting, fun-filled romp through the catacombs of Paris during the Black Plague!" -John Cater
  • "I came across a massive bug in the Storage Chamber." -Duncan Cross
  • "I'm sorry, but I cannot recommend ANY work of 'art' that contains such pointless name dropping as [title]." -Dr. C. Wilson.
  • "Splendid and powerful. There is no preaching. There is no sugar-coating. Just tell it like it really is." -Duchess
  • "I liked the idea of wandering around collecting stuff at a 'Battle of the Bands'-type event, particularly with regards to the small changes that appeared everywhere after the rainstorm. Very nice imagery." -Jason Love

Sam Ashwell

  • "Quite simply the best masterpiece that modern IF's premiere author, George Tall, has produced yet." -John Cater
  • "My first thought was: 'Yikes! Waaaaay too much titleage! (Is that a word?) I mean, there's practically more title than story!'" -Caleb.
  • "The narrative is outrageously demented and the story it tells is destructive to our shared values. Its magisterial brilliance makes me laugh uproariously each and every time I come across it." -Duchess
  • "The game only justifies my intense hatred of Swedish furniture." -Duncan Cross
  • "Yeah, it was a fun game. I'm still trying to figure out if the tulips were a metaphor for something, though. Very confusing." -Jason Love
  • "A fascinating adventure set in only four rooms." -Atholbrose

Full Title of A Spliff In Time

Super Skunk Explodes Magnifecently And Yet Strangely Vituperatively Upon the Already Pretty Explosion-Oriented Regions of that Hot Place you Learnt about in Geography That One Time But You Weren't Paying Attention because you were sitting Opposite that significantly more Hot Chick with the Missing Button on her Blouse
or, A Spliff In Time
or, Marcus Garvey's Ghost is a Spectre Haunting Europe with his Mighty Dub Beats and Impressive Necktie terrifying all Inferior Spectres like it Ain't No God Damn Thang
or, Dude, Where's My Carbine?
or, Jane Austen is a Fuck Puppet
or, Prythee Iffe Thy Drawres Be Down the Faire Gentlewomenfolke shall cry thee a Bumble-Snoggler and Jackabuttflake, thenceafter hurling after thee rancide Rich Tea biscuites and Goat Pornographie, drivinge thee utterlye from the good environns of Cardiff
or, orthography bx/9 (ankles) nefariousness


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